[Catching up on what I've written: This is from the end of week 9 and week 10. We are currently 17 and a half weeks and we find out the gender at our 18 week appointment on Tuesday!]
Lately I feel huge and gross. I know I'm not actually big at all yet and might not even be noticeable to others if you aren't looking right at my belly. It would of course be more noticeable if I walked around in skin tight clothes, but fortunately I don't with the exception of yoga pants and tank tops strictly at home. Fridays at school are "Spirit" days which means we can wear jeans with either a school shirt or a college (aka A&M) shirt. Well last Friday I seriously felt massive. I don't know how other pregnant women feel at almost 10 weeks but I have no pants that are comfortable. I started walking around with my pants unbuttoned at work about two weeks ago. I've tried the "hairband" trick to loop the button so it doesn't pop out as much, but my hairbands must be too stretched out to really do any good. I have seriously wondered if people notice (notice my unbuttoned pants more than any belly yet). At first I would discretely try to re-button my pants before walking into the hall - but honestly I don't even do that much now. It is just too uncomfortable. Last Friday during my conference I texted Cody and said "I feel huge today. I am busting out of my jeans." His reply at least made me smile when he said "Aww you be preggers with my baby!" : )
The following day, Saturday, was the first time I felt okay in a while so Cody and I went out to lunch and then to a movie. I wore a long maxi dress and Cody made some comment that I looked nice/I must have wanted to dress up since I was in a dress. And I said nope not at all - I just want to be comfortable and right now I haven't shaved my legs in way too long and I'm out of comfy pants so a long dress is my only choice. Cody then said something like "pregnant Sam is fun." I didn't feel "fun" though; I felt like I was hiding gross hairy legs and was showing not a "pregnant" belly but just a "getting kinda chunky" belly in my dress. I honestly must have said something about feeling like I look huge and just fat at least three times before deciding to just wear the dress anyway. It was probably in part due to the horizontal stripes on the dress. When I would look down all I saw was a rounding bump that seemed ridiculously big at this early point. I'm wondering if I really am getting bigger earlier than most people or maybe I'm simply noticing it a lot since it's my body and I'm constantly aware of how I feel like I look big and how my clothes are getting so tight and uncomfortable.
The following day, Saturday, was the first time I felt okay in a while so Cody and I went out to lunch and then to a movie. I wore a long maxi dress and Cody made some comment that I looked nice/I must have wanted to dress up since I was in a dress. And I said nope not at all - I just want to be comfortable and right now I haven't shaved my legs in way too long and I'm out of comfy pants so a long dress is my only choice. Cody then said something like "pregnant Sam is fun." I didn't feel "fun" though; I felt like I was hiding gross hairy legs and was showing not a "pregnant" belly but just a "getting kinda chunky" belly in my dress. I honestly must have said something about feeling like I look huge and just fat at least three times before deciding to just wear the dress anyway. It was probably in part due to the horizontal stripes on the dress. When I would look down all I saw was a rounding bump that seemed ridiculously big at this early point. I'm wondering if I really am getting bigger earlier than most people or maybe I'm simply noticing it a lot since it's my body and I'm constantly aware of how I feel like I look big and how my clothes are getting so tight and uncomfortable.
Today we had our 2nd baby appointment at 10 and a half weeks. I felt awful all day -one of my worst days yet. I had a (thankfully small) headache, was exhausted as usual, and my stomach was killing me. Not just feeling nauseous but just a pain wouldn't go away almost all day. I left work right at 3 after dismissal to meet up with Cody and get to the doctor on time. By the time we got there I was about to start crying I felt so bad. Once we did get in the room and were waiting I did start crying. Fortunately the doctor didn't come in for a while so I had some time to pull it together. So that is two for two visits that I cried. (The first time was a happy cry at the heartbeat, this was an "I feel awful and am in pain " cry - but it was followed by another happy cry during the ultrasound.)
It was amazing to see the huge differences between the sonogram pictures at 6 and a half weeks to now at 10 and a half. Amazing! Cody said that he could have stood there and watched that screen and listened to the heartbeat all day, and I'd have to agree with him. It was wonderful. Last time we said the baby looked like a peanut; this time it resembles a gummy bear. (Side note: I LOVE gummy bears.) We could distinguish the head, body, hands, and feet. We could even see sort of tiny fingers. We saw the ribs and spine at one point and the doctor helped us to see a picture of the baby's brain. And of course for a brief minute (they turn that sound on and off so quick!) we heard the heartbeat. We saw the little blurb of a heart flickering on the screen too. I think seeing the heart flicker and hearing the beat is my favorite part. Although this time I also really enjoyed seeing all the movement! I don't know why I didn't realize it would be moving around in there. Last time it was just sort of stuck to the side of the wall/sac. This time it seemed to be swimming or floating around and moved quite a bit. It looked like he or she waved at us a couple times. At the end the doctor asked us if we would want to know the gender later or not and we said yes we would. She said of course it was way too early to tell but we could try to look for fun. Cody and I didn't see anything she was pointing at, but she said she "definitely saw something"! She said right now she'd say it's a 60% chance it's a boy -which isn't much bigger than the given 50/50. Oh well. Really I'm pretty sure she was sort of joking. Either way we'll find that out soon enough!
It was an awesome experience to see the changes and hear the heartbeat again. Even though I felt so bad for the whole earlier part of the day, it did help my mood to cheer up and after we ate dinner I felt a little better. We actually met up with my cousin Makia and Jenny with their daughter Olivia and their newborn little girl Emerson later that evening. Makia took us to do a flight simulator which was really fun! I think combined with the ultrasound and the fun we had pretending to fly that my awful feeling day flipped around to being pretty great. And everyone (along with my doctor today) keeps telling me it'll pass soon, just give it another week or two and once I hit the second trimester I'll feel so much better. My doctor said that when I see her next time I'll feel like a totally different -better, person. I sure hope so, but I also hope it's sooner rather than later. I've seriously been miserable -at home, at school, just constantly. When we told Cody's parents that we were pregnant, one of the first things Steve said was "You know the three stages of pregnancy: weary, cheery, and dreary." Well, I have more than felt the weary and I am beyond ready to move into the cheery phase.
At the flight simulator
Thank you again Makia and Jenny for taking us out to the simulator! We really enjoyed it and always enjoy seeing y'all and the girls!
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