It's a Love/Hate Thing

The Spurs.  Oh my goodness.  Sometimes I LOVE them; sometimes I HATE them.  Do you know what I mean?!

In general I am not a sports fan and know nothing about sports overall.  However, I have become a fan of the Spurs in the past couple years (in part due to a small initial crush on Tony Parker), and over time I have gained a decent knowledge base about basketball and the Spurs from the combination of Cody spewing various facts, stats, and opinions and my constant question asking during games.

Now being tied 2-2 in this series against the Warriors I am feeling a mixture of nervous, excited, and frustrated.  We need to get our act together to win game 5 and then finish the series.  Seriously.  They are called "free throws" because they are free points - assuming you make the stinking basket.  Spurs - Make your free throws!  And since I've started a little rant, pay attention and get a rebound!  Goodness gracious.  We were basically giving them numerous bonus tries on each possession.  Lastly, being professional players and all-stars and everything... you would think they could consistently make layups at least!  I think I could have made some of those layups and easy shots they missed throughout the game.

Don't get me wrong.  I still love my Spurs.  I love our combination of older-trio-history meshing with newer younger guys like Danny and Kawhi.  I love our simple slogan and cheesy Tim, Manu, and Tony local commercials.  I love the mix of nationalities on our team.  And I love (overall) being able to expect them to be a decent team year-to-year.

I love my Spurs.  I wear my (signed!) shirt or jersey to games and I cheer, clap, and yell -at times for them, other times at them.  But, I am TIRED of being annoyed and frustrated this series!  It is the playoffs.  These games are important.  Please, Spurs, drink a red bull, suck it up, or do something to come out, play, and win game 5 on Tuesday.  Followed by finishing and winning the series.  I would really appreciate it.

Go Spurs Go!!!

Priorities

Lately Cody has been crazy busy with both work and finishing homework assignments, projects, and finals for grad school.  We are SO glad that he is almost done and cannot wait for the relief it will bring to both Cody individually and to us as a couple.  We really are in no position to complain much though.  I cannot imagine having my husband be in the military and gone for months at a time or in an occupation where he is often gone for business trips or overnight requirements.  I felt bad enough last summer being so sad and complaining about Cody being gone for 10 weeks with his internship in Washington D.C. -yet realizing that is hardly anything compared to what some marriages endure apart.  

Nonetheless, Cody has been ridiculously overwhelmed and busy since mid-March when he started full time at Rackspace while finishing grad school to graduate this month.  It's weird how you can go from feeling like husband and wife to just roommates in a matter of weeks with hardly any time together (let alone quality time). Especially the last couple of weeks Cody has been apologizing to me so much for how we have had almost no time together and he has also a couple of times made comments about how he appreciates how I've been handling it.  I had a thought the other day that made me feel guilty after Cody had complimented how I'd been handling this period of time.  I realized that I really have not been gracious or forgiving or understanding much at all even though it might have appeared that way because I wasn't saying anything to him about our lack of time.  Honestly, I realized I have been extremely selfish and self-centered during this time.  It has recently occurred to me that I picked up running at the same time that Cody became so busy.  I have actually enjoyed running and looked forward to running more than I have enjoyed the little time Cody and I have had together.  There were actually a few evenings where I was glad when he was later then he expected to be, because I was able to go for my run and be back before he was done and therefore not feel guilty because I was choosing to run instead of spending some time with him or being ready and waiting at home for when he'd get in.

If you followed that at all and sort of see what I'm trying to say, I truly feel guilty and bad about how selfish I realize I've been.  I have put more energy and more of myself into running during the busiest and most stressed Cody has been in a long time, instead of trying to somehow help him or do things at home to make it easier for him.

With this little realization recently I've had follow-up thoughts like "What kind of a wife makes running a priority instead of cooking dinner for her super busy and stressed husband?" and "Why would you have chosen to go for a run instead of doing some laundry or making a lunch to help him out?"  

With those thoughts spinning around in my mind, I've had the song From the Inside Out come to mind by Hillsong United.  

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out,
Lord, let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out.

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out,
Lord, let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out.

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out,
Lord, let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out.

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out.
   
   

I love that first verse that reminds me no matter how many times I mess up or fail, God still loves me completely.  I cannot mess up enough that His love for me and His grace and mercy will ever stop.  Truly remembering that gives me such peace.  

I hope that next time Cody is so overwhelmed (and for the next week until his last grad. work is completed), I am able to put him ahead of myself.