Pity Party

I firmly believe that there are two distinctly different types of pity parties.  One is useless in which you simply feel sad, whine, complain and otherwise wallow in your thoughts and emotions.  The other I believe can actually be beneficial if you get yourself past the wallowing phase and into honestly trying to evaluate the situation and yourself in the situation.  If you can try to detach, step back, and at least attempt to realize the situation from an outside perspective, along with yourself and whatever role you play in the situation.  If you can genuinely try to determine what you are thinking, feeling, and why.  Whether those thoughts and emotions are appropriate and equal responses or not to whatever it is going on in your life.  And what you can do -if anything- to help, or simply change your own actions and the part you are playing.

Lately, (and on and off for quite a while now) I have been throwing both parties for myself.  Recently however, I feel that I have finally started to grow more and more into the second type of pity party and am actually starting to address things in a more rational mind set and also at least attempt (attempt is the key word as I feel like this doesn't easily happen overnight) to view myself and everything from an outside perspective.

I also recently (ok, just today actually) have remembered some of my favorite books from when I was little. I loved Anne of Green Gables!  I owned and read them all, along with of course watching each of the movies.  I loved how Anne thought and spoke and was just so genuinely herself. (I know she is a fictitious character, but we had a childhood bond. I felt we were bosom friends, kindred spirits, if you will.)

"I'm in the depths of despair."

"It's all very well to read about sorrows and imagine yourself living through them heroically, but it's not so nice when you really come to have them, is it?" 

These quotes from Anne fit exactly what I've been feeling lately.  And guess what, I feel like I am far from handling a lot of things "heroically" in my life.  I more often throw myself pity party #1.


HOWEVER, the other day, it morphed into party #2 and really was helpful.  It's amazing how much we need to process and just deal with things.  And at least for me and what I've found so far, is that simply talking about whatever you're thinking and feeling can really help.  I was on the phone with Cody and he just listened.  He didn't try to solve any of the problems.  He didn't offer any suggestions or make any judgement or comments on any of my thoughts, feelings, or opinions.  He just listened.  It was exactly what I needed.  Time for me to let myself talk through everything, share everything, and know that I was genuinely heard by my husband who loves me.  I woke up the next day feeling immensely better and more positive.  

Through all of this lately, this summer I decided to officially and finally take a few small but real steps in trying to grasp and deal with some things in my life. While what I've started doing might not even be noteworthy to some people, it was at least a monumental first step for me. 

---More on this to come.  Hopefully in my next (or at least next few) posts.

For this post I'll end with one last Anne quote on a more positive note, because of course every day isn't one in which I throw a pity party. Even though occasionally the pity party days start to feel like they overwhelm my life, they really don't.  Most days are good, fine, or wonderful.  I'm extremely blessed, and I hope and pray that I never forget that.

“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?” 

Yes, it really is.